Alissa King – Medium

Alissa King
in
Frazzled

Yep, That Boy of Ours Is Full of Piss and Vinegar!

It’s been quite the parenting journey

3 min readApr 12, 2024

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A young child with a surprised expression looking to the side against a yellow background.

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Alissa King
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Slackjaw

If Shitty Common Depression Advice Were Applied To Other Illnesses

Can’t you just…STOP having food poisoning?

2 min readJun 4, 2022

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If Shitty Common Depression Advice Were Applied To Other Illnesses

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Alissa King
in
Frazzled

My Typical Day As a Work-From-Home Mom: Fantasy Edition

I awaken before my children at 5:45 am…

4 min readApr 19, 2022

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My Typical Day As a Work-From-Home Mom: Fantasy Edition

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Alissa King
in
Frazzled

Are You Experiencing Holden Caulfield’s Existential Angst…Or Just A Day With A Toddler During a…

1. Something that annoys the hell out of me: if somebody says the coffee’s all ready, but isn’t.

2 min readFeb 1, 2022

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Are You Experiencing Holden Caulfield’s Existential Angst…Or Just A Day With A Toddler During a…

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Alissa King
in
2 Ho Ho Ho’s

The Virgin Mary’s Holistic Birth Plan

Dear Reader,

3 min readDec 30, 2021

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The Virgin Mary’s Holistic Birth Plan

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Alissa King
in
2 Ho Ho Ho’s

We’re the Aliens from Independence Day, and In Our Defense, All We Really Wanted Was Jeff Goldblum

Allow us to explain.

3 min readJun 30, 2021

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We’re the Aliens from Independence Day, and In Our Defense, All We Really Wanted Was Jeff Goldblum

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Alissa King

Trump Supporters Stormed the Capitol Yesterday In Disgusting Display Of Domestic Terrorism, And…

1) How has your life improved so significantly since this ass-hat has been in office, that you felt compelled to commit an actual act of…

2 min readJan 7, 2021

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Trump Supporters Stormed the Capitol Yesterday In Disgusting Display Of Domestic Terrorism, And…

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Alissa King

What Your Favorite Wedding Tradition Says About You…A Trump Re-election Enthusiast

Do you love weddings? Do you regularly fantasize about a second term for Donald Trump? Or maybe just fantasize regularly about Donald…

4 min readAug 22, 2020

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What Your Favorite Wedding Tradition Says About You…A Trump Re-election Enthusiast

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Alissa King
in
The Belladonna Comedy

Daily Itinerary of a 2000s Juicy Couture Tracksuit

My only friend is an Ivanka Trump brand sheath dress, who I don’t even really like.

4 min readAug 10, 2020

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Daily Itinerary of a 2000s Juicy Couture Tracksuit

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Alissa King
in
MuddyUm

The Hot New IT Girl Item: The Pump It or Suck It Bodysuit!

IT Girls know how important it is to please everyone around you by maintaining the ideal weight. IT Girls also know how hard that is to do…

4 min readJul 3, 2020

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The Hot New IT Girl Item: The Pump It or Suck It Bodysuit!

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Alissa King

Alissa King

Essayist, mediocre satirist. See more of my work in The Weekly Humorist, Robot Butt, Points in Case, and elsewhere on the internet.

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