Alissa King – Medium

Alissa King

Published in
Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Where are the Child Stars of Famous Nursery Rhymes Now?

A deep dive into where their horrifying experiences led them

Feb 5

Jack and Jill fall down the hill, Jill thinks, “This should never happen to another child.”

Feb 5

Published in
Frazzled

Yep, That Boy of Ours Is Full of Piss and Vinegar!

It’s been quite the parenting journey

Apr 12, 2024

A young child with a surprised expression looking to the side against a yellow background.

Apr 12, 2024

Published in
Slackjaw

If Shitty Common Depression Advice Were Applied To Other Illnesses

Can’t you just…STOP having food poisoning?

Jun 4, 2022

If Shitty Common Depression Advice Were Applied To Other Illnesses

Jun 4, 2022

Published in
Frazzled

My Typical Day As a Work-From-Home Mom: Fantasy Edition

I awaken before my children at 5:45 am…

Apr 19, 2022

My Typical Day As a Work-From-Home Mom: Fantasy Edition

Apr 19, 2022

Published in
Frazzled

Are You Experiencing Holden Caulfield’s Existential Angst…Or Just A Day With A Toddler During a…

1. Something that annoys the hell out of me: if somebody says the coffee’s all ready, but isn’t.

Feb 1, 2022

Are You Experiencing Holden Caulfield’s Existential Angst…Or Just A Day With A Toddler During a…

Feb 1, 2022

Published in
2 Ho Ho Ho’s

The Virgin Mary’s Holistic Birth Plan

Dear Reader,

Dec 30, 2021

The Virgin Mary’s Holistic Birth Plan

Dec 30, 2021

Published in
2 Ho Ho Ho’s

We’re the Aliens from Independence Day, and In Our Defense, All We Really Wanted Was Jeff Goldblum

Allow us to explain.

Jun 30, 2021

We’re the Aliens from Independence Day, and In Our Defense, All We Really Wanted Was Jeff Goldblum

Jun 30, 2021

Trump Supporters Stormed the Capitol Yesterday In Disgusting Display Of Domestic Terrorism, And…

1) How has your life improved so significantly since this ass-hat has been in office, that you felt compelled to commit an actual act of…

Jan 7, 2021

Trump Supporters Stormed the Capitol Yesterday In Disgusting Display Of Domestic Terrorism, And…

Jan 7, 2021

What Your Favorite Wedding Tradition Says About You…A Trump Re-election Enthusiast

Do you love weddings? Do you regularly fantasize about a second term for Donald Trump? Or maybe just fantasize regularly about Donald…

Aug 22, 2020

What Your Favorite Wedding Tradition Says About You…A Trump Re-election Enthusiast

Aug 22, 2020

Published in
The Belladonna Comedy

Daily Itinerary of a 2000s Juicy Couture Tracksuit

My only friend is an Ivanka Trump brand sheath dress, who I don’t even really like.

Aug 10, 2020

Daily Itinerary of a 2000s Juicy Couture Tracksuit

Aug 10, 2020

Alissa King

Alissa King

Essayist, mediocre satirist. See more of my work in The Weekly Humorist, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and others. I do not enjoy wine, or baking.

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